What do you need today?
Choose one — the guide will adjust to your answer. You can always come back and do the other.
Action Checklist
Your Device
Start here. These actions secure the device itself before anything else.
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What spyware looks like — and how to check
- Android: download the free Certo Mobile Security app and run a full scan
- iPhone: go to Settings → General → VPN & Device Management — any unknown profile means something was installed
- Do not confront them about it — act quietly and strategically
- A domestic violence tech safety specialist can do a full sweep at no cost — ask your local DV service to refer you
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Scan for spyware Priority
Android: run Certo Mobile Security. iPhone: Settings → General → VPN & Device Management. Look for anything unfamiliar.
✓
Remove their fingerprint and face from your phone
Settings → Face ID / Fingerprints. Delete any entry that is not yours. Do this quietly.
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Change your phone PIN
Change it to something they cannot guess — not a birthday, not a pattern they have seen. Six digits minimum.
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Review app permissions
Settings → Privacy — check which apps have access to your Location, Microphone, Camera, and Contacts. Revoke anything that doesn't need it.
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Delete unfamiliar apps
Go through every app on your phone. Delete anything you do not recognise, did not download, or that seems generic. Screenshot it first if you want a record.
Action Checklist
Your Accounts
If they know your passwords or share your cloud account, every message and photo is visible to them.
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✓
Create a new private email address Priority
Use a device they have never touched, on a network they do not control. ProtonMail (proton.me) is encrypted and free. This becomes your safe identity online.
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Change your personal email and social media passwords
Do this one account at a time — not all at once, which may alert them. Use a password manager like Bitwarden (free) to generate strong new passwords.
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Separate your cloud account from theirs
If you share an Apple ID: Settings → your name → Sign Out, then create your own Apple ID. Same for Google Family. Your photos and files belong to you.
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Check which accounts are linked to their email or phone
Any account that uses their email or phone number for verification gives them potential access. Update the recovery details on all your personal accounts.
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Enable two-factor authentication on key accounts
Email, banking, social media. Link 2FA to your new private email or phone number — not to anything they have access to.
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Set up Bitwarden as your password manager
Free, encrypted, available on all devices. Store all your new passwords here. Never reuse a password they might know.
Action Checklist
Location Tracking
They may know where you are right now. Check every method — apps, devices, and physical trackers.
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How to find hidden AirTags
- iPhone: Open Find My → Items tab. Any AirTag registered to someone else that travels with you triggers an automatic alert
- Android: Download the free AirGuard app — it scans for all Bluetooth tracking devices, not just AirTags
- Your car: Check all four wheel arches, under both bumpers, inside the boot, and under seats. AirTags are coin-sized
- If you find one, do not remove it immediately — contact a DV specialist first, as removal can alert the abuser that you know
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Turn off all location sharing apps Priority
Life360, Find My friends, Google Maps sharing — turn off each one individually. iPhone: Settings → Privacy → Location Services → Share My Location → Off.
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Scan for hidden Bluetooth trackers
iPhone: Find My → Items. Android: AirGuard app. Run the scan at home and again after being in their car or company.
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Physically check your car for GPS trackers
All four wheel arches, under both bumpers, inside the boot, and beneath seats. A mechanic can do a quick sweep. Ask a trusted friend to help if needed.
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Check gifts and everyday items for trackers
Check the lining of bags, pockets of jackets, keyrings, and any small electronic gifts. AirTags are the size of a large coin. Look for anything circular with a small hole.
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Review every app with location permission
Settings → Privacy → Location Services. Change any app you do not actively use for navigation to "Never" or "While Using".
Action Checklist
Safe Communication
Build a communication channel that is entirely yours — one they have never touched and cannot monitor.
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The ground rules for safe communication
- Use mobile data — not home WiFi — for anything safety-related. Whoever manages the router can see every site visited on the network
- Use private browsing (Incognito mode) and clear your history after sensitive searches
- Use a library computer or trusted friend's device for anything that must stay completely private
- Move to a different room — or outside — before making private calls near Alexa or Google Home speakers
✓
Download Signal and set up your account Priority
Signal is end-to-end encrypted. Set messages to disappear after 24 hours. Share your Signal number only with trusted people.
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Create a ProtonMail account
Go to proton.me in private browsing mode. This becomes your safe email — use it for all safety planning, legal correspondence, and support contacts.
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Save your key contacts in Signal
Your DV support worker, trusted friends, legal contacts — anyone who matters in your safety plan. Make sure they have Signal too.
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Switch to mobile data for safety planning
Turn off WiFi before any sensitive browsing or communication. Use your mobile data plan instead. Do not use home broadband for this.
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Establish a backup plan if your phone is compromised
Identify one trusted person you could contact from a different device. Know where your nearest library is. Have a payphone location as a last resort.
Action Checklist
Preserving Evidence
Evidence disappears. Capture it now — before messages are deleted, accounts are wiped, or access is cut off.
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✓
Screenshot key text messages and conversations Priority
Threats, controlling messages, admissions, financial demands. Screenshot the entire conversation — including dates and the sender's name visible.
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Forward key emails to your private ProtonMail
Any email with threats, financial control, or admissions — forward it to your private email before it can be deleted or accessed by them.
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Store everything in ProtonDrive or a private Google account
Go to proton.me/drive — free, encrypted cloud storage. Or create a new Google account they do not know about and upload everything there.
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Back up to a USB drive at a trusted person's home
A physical backup stored away from the home ensures you have evidence even if your accounts are locked or your phone is taken. A cheap USB stick is enough.
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Keep a private incident log with dates and specifics
Date, time, what happened, any witnesses. Even a private Notes app entry (in a locked note on your private account) is admissible as a contemporaneous record in many jurisdictions.
The truth was always there. Now it has somewhere safe to live.
Action Checklist
Smart Home & Networks
Smart home devices were designed for convenience. In an abusive home, they become surveillance tools.
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What they can see — and from where
- Smart speakers (Alexa, Google Home): Every command is logged in their account. If they manage the account, they can review your voice history
- Ring / Nest cameras: Footage is stored in the account holder's cloud — if they control the account, they can watch live from any device, anywhere
- Home router: The person managing the router can see every device connected and every website visited on that network
- Smart TVs: Some have microphones and cameras. Check your TV settings — look for a "privacy" or "voice control" section
✓
Use mobile data instead of home WiFi for safety planning
Turn off WiFi and use 4G/5G data for any communication or research related to your safety plan. The home router cannot log what it never sees.
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Move away from smart speakers for private calls
Go outside, to a different floor, or a room without smart speakers before making any sensitive call or conversation. Unplug them if it is safe to do so without raising suspicion.
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Map every smart device in the home and who controls the account
Write down every camera, speaker, doorbell, thermostat, or smart device — and whether it is in their name. This becomes part of your exit plan.
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Contact a DV tech safety specialist
Most domestic violence organisations can refer you to a specialist who will do a full sweep of your devices and home network at no cost. Ask your local DV service.
Final Checklist
Your Digital Exit
When you are ready to leave — do these in order. Some before. Some the day of. Some after. A DV specialist can help you sequence this for your specific situation.
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✓
Create your own Apple ID or Google account Before leaving
Your photos, contacts, and backups need to live somewhere that belongs entirely to you. Set this up before anything else.
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Back up your phone to your personal account Before leaving
Photos, contacts, notes — back everything up to your new personal iCloud or Google account before you leave.
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Preserve all evidence before leaving
Screenshots, forwarded emails, photos, financial records — all stored in ProtonDrive or a trusted person's USB. Do not leave without this.
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Remove them from all shared accounts on the day you leave
Email, streaming, banking, cloud storage. Change all passwords simultaneously on the day — not before, not days after.
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Turn off all location sharing on the day you leave
Life360, Find My, Google Maps sharing — turn everything off simultaneously on the day of departure, not before.
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Make all social media profiles private after leaving
Remove them as a follower or connection. Do not post your location, new address, or any identifiable information for several weeks after leaving.
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Factory reset your device or get a new phone
If spyware is suspected, a factory reset is the only guaranteed removal. A new prepaid phone used only for safety is even more secure.
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Update all emergency contacts to your new communication channels
Anyone who needs to reach you in an emergency should have your new number, Signal, or ProtonMail — not your old accounts they may still have access to.
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Contact a DV tech safety specialist for a final sweep
Even after leaving, a specialist can verify your devices are clean and help you establish a fully secure digital presence. Free through most DV services.
You are not starting over. You are starting from a place they can no longer reach.
Take this work further
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